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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful to significant toilet tales and milestones, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who took the rest room a little too literally, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team following a short conversation within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|